Daily Vegas ~ Day 3 Operation No Bouncer is done...

A while back I had posted about my son, and how he was still going to sleep every night by being bounced in his bouncer. (You can catch up at Operation No Bouncer) Well, it has been over 3 months since I posted that! (Wow, where does the time go??) And as of 2 days ago, Squishy was still going to sleep in his bouncer.

He loves that chair, he wants his bottle in it, he likes to sit in it, when he is tired he gets into it and lays down... But regardless of whether or not he loves it, my son is now 16.5 months old. He does not fit into a bouncer, and I know he is ready to be going to bed on his own.

So three nights ago, we started going to bed in his crib. The first night he cried for a total of 28 minutes. (On and off, never more than 5 minutes without stopping.) I went into see him after 5 minutes, even though he had started to calm down because he was still crying. I told him I loved him, Mommy was still here, and it was night night time. That made things worse. Awful 28 minutes. Pure torture.

The second night he went to sleep in less than 5 minutes. He cried a bit, laid down and went to sleep. Still hard, but not as awful as the night before. There was hope this was working. I didn't even have to go back in. He slept for 11 hours, and woke up happy.

Tonight, he cried for a bit, then was quite for 10 minutes, then cried for 5. I went in at 5 minutes and told him I loved him, Mommy was still here, and it was night night time. He did not like me going in. He cried, but before another 5 minutes was up, he was quiet. For 10 minutes he was quiet, then he cried for 3, then he was quiet for 8 minutes, then cried for 4, and finally quiet for the night.

I am pretty sure it is harder on me, because this goes against the way I have been parenting for 16.5 months. I am a mother who always responds to my child when he cries, I have never let him 'cry it out'. I wondered for 16.5 months if I was teaching him it was okay to go to sleep, or letting him cry was teaching him I was not going to respond to him when he was upset...

I know plenty of parents that have done sleep training. I would not judge them for doing it, so why do I judge myself? This whole Mommy Guilt thing is really getting kind of old. I wish I could figure out a way to release myself from some of it. (Not all, because I am a realist.)

So Day 3 is done, Squishy seems no worse for the wear. I am getting a bit more sleep, but I still can't shake this nagging voice in my head that says teaching him to sleep this way, is really just teaching him that I am not going to respond to his needs.

Clearly, I know that isn't the case... but it is still there. Anyone else feel like this?