Reverb10 ~ Writing

December 2 - Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

I thought long and hard about this prompt.  What do I do that doesn't contribute to my writing?  Do I do something that doesn't contribute?  I write about my Family Life, so pretty much anything is fair game.  Inspiration can come from any daily event, so is there something that hinders my writing.

Finally, it came to me.  Sleep.  Or lack there of.  I am majorly lacking sleep on a regular basis. 

In prior months there really wasn't any way to eliminate this, as my son required day and night attention.  However, Squish sleeps through the night now so I am technically in control of how much sleep I get.  And yet, I am still letting my insomnia get the better of me.

I am no longer breastfeeding so I can take some medicine to get back on schedule, but I worry if Squish does wake in the middle of the night and need me I wouldn't hear him. 

The reality is yes, I have the power to eliminate this but I am not sure where to start.  I am sure it would require a good deal of hard work on my part.  I didn't realize until I thought about this prompt that lack of sleep does really affect my writing.  I love to write, it keeps me sane on the insane days.  And if it affects my writing would it not in turn also affect my everyday life?

I need to do what it takes to get me back on a good sleeping schedule.  I think that will not only help my writing quality, but my energy level during the day. Which in turn will help me to be a better wife, friend, and mother.

Isn't amazing how one simple question can really help you to find something hidden under the haze of insomnia, mommy-hood, and life in general?

Daily Vegas ~ Day 3 Operation No Bouncer is done...

A while back I had posted about my son, and how he was still going to sleep every night by being bounced in his bouncer. (You can catch up at Operation No Bouncer) Well, it has been over 3 months since I posted that! (Wow, where does the time go??) And as of 2 days ago, Squishy was still going to sleep in his bouncer.

He loves that chair, he wants his bottle in it, he likes to sit in it, when he is tired he gets into it and lays down... But regardless of whether or not he loves it, my son is now 16.5 months old. He does not fit into a bouncer, and I know he is ready to be going to bed on his own.

So three nights ago, we started going to bed in his crib. The first night he cried for a total of 28 minutes. (On and off, never more than 5 minutes without stopping.) I went into see him after 5 minutes, even though he had started to calm down because he was still crying. I told him I loved him, Mommy was still here, and it was night night time. That made things worse. Awful 28 minutes. Pure torture.

The second night he went to sleep in less than 5 minutes. He cried a bit, laid down and went to sleep. Still hard, but not as awful as the night before. There was hope this was working. I didn't even have to go back in. He slept for 11 hours, and woke up happy.

Tonight, he cried for a bit, then was quite for 10 minutes, then cried for 5. I went in at 5 minutes and told him I loved him, Mommy was still here, and it was night night time. He did not like me going in. He cried, but before another 5 minutes was up, he was quiet. For 10 minutes he was quiet, then he cried for 3, then he was quiet for 8 minutes, then cried for 4, and finally quiet for the night.

I am pretty sure it is harder on me, because this goes against the way I have been parenting for 16.5 months. I am a mother who always responds to my child when he cries, I have never let him 'cry it out'. I wondered for 16.5 months if I was teaching him it was okay to go to sleep, or letting him cry was teaching him I was not going to respond to him when he was upset...

I know plenty of parents that have done sleep training. I would not judge them for doing it, so why do I judge myself? This whole Mommy Guilt thing is really getting kind of old. I wish I could figure out a way to release myself from some of it. (Not all, because I am a realist.)

So Day 3 is done, Squishy seems no worse for the wear. I am getting a bit more sleep, but I still can't shake this nagging voice in my head that says teaching him to sleep this way, is really just teaching him that I am not going to respond to his needs.

Clearly, I know that isn't the case... but it is still there. Anyone else feel like this?

Daily Vegas ~ We Interrupt Your Reguarly Scheduled Posting

We are currently experiencing Molar Monster H.E.Double-Hockey Stick right now.

Signs of this malfunction may include, but are not limited to:

• Mass hysteria
• Serious sleep deprivation
• Lack of coordination related to symptom above
  
• Biting while nursing
• Refusing to eat
• Refusing to sleep
• Crazy quantities of drool
• Increase in Diet Coke consumption
  
• Temper Tantrums
• A willingness to try anything to make it stop

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, RUN, don't walk, to the store and stock up on Popsicles, Teething Tablets, Tylenol, Motrin, Orajel, and perhaps an alcoholic beverage of choice.
(Note, the alcohol should note be used as a teething aid for the child, but rather for the parent.)

We will return you to our regular posting when this Mommy doesn't feel like a total and complete zombie.

Getting Lost in Labels

Recently I have been in an internal battle with myself over Squishy’s current sleeping habits.  You see for this whole time I have been following a baby-led schedule.  I have followed the cues my little man gives me and run with it.  In doing so, he doesn’t really have a schedule that we follow.  I really wanted him to set on for himself, and for a while he did.  But recently he has been going to bed later and later, waking up really early and taking an early nap, or sometimes not even waking up until well after 9:30am.

While that may sound fine to some of you, it really isn’t working for either of us.  Squishy gets crabbier on the days where he doesn’t sleep as many hours at night.  Most of our toddler activities are in the AM but he is so cranky he has been taking a nap during that time.  We have ended up spending most days indoors, and I have come to feel like I am chained to his schedule, which clearly isn’t working.

For well over a month I have been toying with the idea of implementing a nap/nighttime schedule.  I know in my heart that this is what is best for my baby.  I know it will allow him to sleep better, wake up rested, and let us enjoy our morning activities.

The other side of me worries that if I implement a schedule; will that make less in tune to my child's needs??  Will other’s see it as Parent-led, and therefore selfish?  Will my other AP friends give me the side-eye if they know I put my child on a schedule complete with sleep training? (Crazy, I know, but this is what runs through my head at night when I can't sleep...)

While those are valid questions, the reality is this.  Unless you are feeding your baby soda in a bottle, leaving him unattended, leaving him in a dirty diaper, let him scream for hours upon hours at a time, or worse (i.e. Child-abuse situations), I know I would not judge you for your parenting choices, so why do I think people are going to judge me for mine?  I am doing what I know to be best for my child in the long-run.  Why do we get so caught up in the labels and the Mommy Guilt that we sometimes forgo what is the best route to take?  Or, am I the only one who does this?

So starting tomorrow, we are going to gradually transition into a schedule for the Melon Man.  No drastic changes, but gentle nudges towards what I know in the end will lead to a much happier, rested baby (and mama).  Wish us luck!

Want a clue??  Check out some of our weekend re-cap.  It is in there somewhere!

We were pretty mellow this weekend.  I have had a pretty yucky headache most of the weekend, and Kellan’s sleeping has been all over the board… including a bedtime of 11:15pm last night.  (Trust me we tried to go to bed earlier…)

Mmm- Cupcakes from Retro Bakery - dang cupcake shows on TV got the best of me!

Splash Pad Fun!

Squishy learning his baby signs - cereal is being signed here
(Sorry for the mess - Tornado Kellan came through.)

"Please"

My future Linebacker!

Where in the World is Squishy?

Clean Cutie!

Welcome to all those who are visiting from Monday hops.  Make sure you click the Hop to It button to join in some fabulous hops!  Don’t forget to check out my EcoMom Giveaway, and make sure you stop back tomorrow as I will be announcing a super fun giveaway in honor of hitting 125 followers!!

Question of the Week: If you could live in any era of time which would you live in?

The 40's.  The fashion was pretty amazing!

Describe your life in one word
Blessed.
Is there something you wish you had learned how to do as a child?
Manage my money better.  I am not a good budgeter.
Who has been the biggest influence on your life?
My mother.  If I am half as good of a mother as she is, I know my children will grow up happy and strong.
What is your greatest dream/hope/aspiration?
To raise happy, independent children, who believe they can do anything they put their mind to, and are loving and respectful to all those around them.  And to live a long and happy life with the love of my life, my hubs.
and finally...
Do you believe you have reached your potential?  Why/why not?

Do we ever reach our full potential?  As we reach our goals and dreams, we build new ones.  I hope to always be dreaming, and living to reach that dream!

                                               

Since I’m not getting any, I figured I could at least write about it…

Sleep that is.

My last good memory of waking up truly and undeniably refreshed was the morning after the first night of our honeymoon. We had spent the whole day before traveling dealing with layovers and delays. Not to mention we were exhausted from the wedding preparations. By the time we arrived in Belize we were just beat. We had dinner on our balcony, and fell asleep by 8pm. I awoke the next morning holding my sweet husband’s hand, (trust me we are not the cuddling in our sleep type) with the sun streaming into our room. We just looked at each other and smiled. It was the first time in a long time we both woke up feeling refreshed and recharged. It was the perfect honeymoon memory.

I didn’t know at that time it was going to be the last time I woke up feeling so rested for a long time. When we returned from out honeymoon, we had only a few weeks until my husband deployed for his job. When he is gone, I never seem to truly rest. Although, I will confess having the bed all to myself sometimes is nice, but I would rather have him there.

The Hubs returned early and unexpected after injuring his knee. We spent the days trying to get his workman’s compensation claim going so he could get the attention he needed.

Perhaps the biggest surprise came a month later when we discovered (very happily) we were going to be parents. I knew at that moment sleeping wasn’t ever going to be the same, and boy was I right!

I had a somewhat difficult pregnancy with horrible sciatica and SPD. Every time I rolled over it felt like someone was grinding into my pelvic bone. (Really it was rubbing together!!) That was a pain I was not prepared for.

Then our son was born! And while he is a super mellow and sweet Squishy little baby he didn’t start sleeping through the night until 11 months. It didn't last long; 1 week after he began to sleep through the night, he got Hand Foot and Mouth Disease, followed quickly by a bout of Bronchitis.

When he was better he started to sleep through the night again, and now we are dealing with a mysterious affliction, which could quite possibly be his 1 year molars, but he also has 103 temperature… so needless to say he is up about every hour to two hours.

Around 12 months I also started to have problems falling asleep. This happened to correspond with my husband’s deployment. I never sleep right when my best friend isn’t there.

All this lack of sleeping has me thinking a few things:
1. Will I ever wake up feeling rested again?
2. I wonder if people are beginning to notice I am turning into a Zombie Mommy again.
3. Will I ever stop thinking about thinking about how nice it would be to sleep?

It is such a vicious cycle I decided to give into it… I am embracing my inner sleep deprived crazy person, and try not to think about thinking about when I will ever get some sleep! I am hoping the best way to stop thinking about thinking about sleeping is to blog all about it. Maybe I can see what others are saying about sleep to see if they have any insight…

The Dalai Lama says “Sleep is the best meditation.” Hmmm, I guess I am not going to be the most connected to my inner going ons. Henry David Thoreau wrote, “I put a piece of paper under my pillow, and when I could not sleep I wrote in the dark.” I have spent many sleepless nights’ blogging or playing games in my bed, but I think that if I put my computer underneath my pillow I really wouldn’t be able to sleep!

Ralph Waldo Emerson strikes a chord with me with his look into sleep. “There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep.” Truer words are hard to come by in this house!  I think Victor Hugo must have been talking about my newborn, because as tender as I think my arms may be, he hasn’t wanted to sleep in them since he was 4 months old. “A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them.”

John Cage said “It's useless to play lullabies for those who cannot sleep.” I have to agree, and would also add counting sheep only works if you are the only one who isn’t sleeping… But you know it is really bad when you can start identifying with the un-dead! “How blessed are some people, whose lives have no fears, no dreads; to whom sleep is a blessing that comes nightly, and brings nothing but sweet dreams.” ~Bram Stoker.

Finally let’s take a look at two of the favorite sleep sayings I came across in my research to blog about sleep so I wouldn’t want to think about thinking about not sleeping… Perhaps once you become a parent you should just embrace Warren Zevon’s famous quote, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” And finally I came across this Miley Cyrus quote ,“I love to sleep. I'd sleep all day if I could.” All I could think was; Honey I wish you would!

What? It’s not my fault – that is the sleep deprivation talking…

Operation No Bouncer Begins Monday!!

Q.  How do you know when your current form of putting your child to sleep is no longer an option??

A.  When they can flip over and crawl away while still strapped in!

So at about 4 months old Kellan stopped wanting to be rocked to sleep.  Unless I was wearing him, he would fuss until I put him down, and then he would go to bed on his own.  I would noticed his sleepy cues, nurse him, change his tush, and lay him down in his crib/swing/bouncer.  He would then sing himself to sleep.

Flash forward to 9 months old.  My poor little man got pretty sick for the first time.  When he was really sick, he just wanted to be held.  I was of course more then happy to oblige, because what mom doesn't want to do anything they can to comfort their child?  (Not to mention, I enjoyed the cuddle time, as they were pretty rare.)

When he was starting to feel a little better but still sick, and now also in the process of pushing 6 teeth through his gums, he would cry if I tried to rock him to sleep, he wanted to be put down, but he would also really cry when I put him down in his crib.  (I am not the CIO (Cry It Out) type, it isn't for me.  And honestly, it wasn't an option, because you can't sleep train while the baby is teething or sick.)  I was starting to feel helpless.  I felt like I couldn't soothe my son, and he couldn't soothe himself because he was not feeling well.

Then I remembered how much he loved his bouncer and swing when he was younger.  The motion would put him right to sleep, even when he was fighting it.  So I tried the swing. That was a Fail BIG FAIL.  He screamed harder then when I put him down in the crib.  Then I tried the bouncer.  I strapped him in, and bounced it with my foot.  It worked like a charm. 

I spent the next several days doing this telling myself it would just be for when he was having a hard time.  Well, to a tired mom the notion of sleeping was intoxicating.  So I continued to bounce him down for naps, and nighttime.  It was easier then letting him get all worked up in the crib.  And it meant I could possibly take a nap, a shower, get stuff done, or just have some "me" time.

So here we are.  Kellan is now 13 months old, and he still gets bounced to sleep for some naps, (depending on how overtired he is) and most every night.  It is just easier then fighting sleep.  Plus he has been sick again, first with Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease, and then Bronchitis.  Now that he is seemingly on the mend, I am thinking Operation No Bouncer needs to begin. 

I am guessing it will take a few tears, and probably some lost sleep on my part, but I don't plan on letting him CIO, but I do plan on establishing a nice bedtime routine for him.  Putting him down in his bed, and letting him know that I am still there for him.  I hope it works.  I think it really is the best for both of us.

And let's be honest, I can't have my 13 month old toddler crawling around my house looking like a turtle.  That just doesn't look right.  He is a sneaky sweet little Squishy, but let's hope in a little over a weeks time, he is also a sleepy sweet little squishy.

Xoxxo,

Us