Sometimes it is all you can do...

Squish has been fighting the mother of all colds for quite a while now. (Or as I like to call it - a stage 5 clinger). It seemed to be getting better, and then on Tuesday his fever came back. I immediately made an appointment to go back to the Pediatrician the next day.

Over the night time it had skyrocketed up to 104.1. Every time I would give him Tylenol - the fever would be back in about 3-4 hours, and each time higher. By the time we got to the Pediatrician, it was holding pretty steady at 104+.

Squishy had barely slept the whole night. Maybe 3 hours. We were both exhausted. I was getting really frustrated too. I couldn't understand why my baby kept getting sick.

The Pediatrician was concerned about his fever being so high, so we went to have some blood drawn. I thought it would be a simple heel stick... nope he is too old for that now.

So I had to bear hug him, and hold him still, while another nurse held his arm down, and the lab tech took the blood. I swear that was the longest minute since his circumcision (which at least then I didn't have to hold him down!) We were to return for the results later that day at 5:30pm.

His temp continued to climb up to 104.5. Tylenol would only keep it down in the 100s to 101s for about 2-3 hours now. All he did was moan, and want to be held/cuddle. (Which is not my baby - he hasn't wanted to be rocked since he was 4 months old - instead preferring to be put down in his bed and talk himself to sleep.)

I didn't mind holding him or doing anything to make him feel better. I would have gladly switched places with him in a minute. I was wishing he could tell me what hurt, or what was wrong. 5:30pm seemed to take days to arrive.

Finally we went back to the pediatrician, Squishy's white blood count was elevated - a sign he was fighting some sort of infection. The other blood results wouldn't be back for a couple of days, and the Dr. didn't want to risk it being bacteria in his blood, so Squish was given a shot of antibiotics.

Last night he slept a little bit more, and instead of taking 3-4 hours for his temp to rise, it took 5-6. But it still got up pretty high. He woke up at 2am with it 104.8. Not fun. But we cuddled, tried to nurse (he has been way too stuffy to nurse really well. He has way cut back on the amount he is eating, and often times throws up bc of the mucus in his throat).

But he did sleep more. And even woke up without a temp and played for 30 minutes. Almost exactly 30 minutes after he started playing, he started moaning/groaning again, and sure enough his temp was back up to 103.5.

We went back to the Pediatrician like planned, and were given another shot of antibiotics. Squish came home and napped for 4 hours!!!! (I napped 1/2 that time - which was much needed). He woke up seeming to feel better. He played with me on the floor for about 45 minutes - but soon enough he started to moan again, and his temp was back.

We continue to do Tylenol for his fever, and tonight I gave him a bath to try and loosen some of the congestion in his sinuses. I am hoping he sleeps better tonight, and gives the antibiotics a chance to work. We go back tomorrow for another shot.

We are hanging in there, and just focusing on getting healthy. I don't know if we will ever get a formal diagnosis. Dr. says it is most likely bacterial, but it could possibly be just a really awful virus. I think his sinuses are infected, but who knows. Either way, time will tell, and the antibiotics should help if it is bacterial, or if it is viral then it should get better on it's own.

Seeing your baby in pain is awful. Not being able to do anything about it other than what you can sucks too. I would gladly trade places with him if I could. But we are making it through this. My Pediatrician said to me last night. "Just think when he is a happy healthy kindergartener we will look back and barely even be able to remember how sick he is right now." I hope so, but I have a feeling this will stick with me for a while.

It is just a reminder that sometimes as parents we can't do anything in the situation, but the best we can or know how. I can't take away his illness, but I can get him the help he needs, give him extra hugs and cuddles, hold him, rock him, and let him know that I am here for him. I hope he always knows that.